Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Ran a search or two this morning, and discovered to my dismay that my computer was in danger from the entire internet; every result I saw in every search I tried contained this ominous warning about how the site “may damage [my] computer”:
Same comical results for every search I tried, so that’s fun…what’s even better is that when you try to visit any of these sites, Google makes you really think hard about it with yet another warning screen. Good stuff. I’ll leave you with my favorite two results:
They finally have something in common! (I didn’t search for Linux; that’d just make me sad.)
Oh, and here’s one more just to prove Google is being fair about this:
Today I woke up and I didn’t really want to, which is expectable on a Monday. So, I thought to myself, “Why not post a comment on your blog declaring it to be Saturday? Since it’s in writing, everyone will have to believe it.”
The irony of this is that not only do I know this technique to be utterly unworkable due to the existence and universality of international date standards, but I am also keenly aware of the fact that every blog posting I make automatically lists a computer-generated date, sealing those standards’ ultimate victory over my feeble declaration of weekenditude.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Today is Saturday.
Everyone go home.
A joke from this morning’s sermon at Oak Hills:
A minister, out for a morning stroll through his neighborhood, happened upon two young boys and a small, stray puppy. The boys seemed pretty excited about something, and the minister decided to find out what was going on.”What are you two up to?” he asked.
One of the boys turned toward the minister and grinned. “We found this puppy, and we’re having a lying contest to see who gets to keep him.”
“A lying contest?” asked the minister.
“Yep,” said the other boy. “Whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep the puppy!”
The minister felt that this was a very opportune time to teach a much-needed moral lesson. “Shame, shame,” he said, waving a long, bony finger at the two young kids. “When I was your age, I never would have dreamed of telling a lie!”
The first boy looked crestfallen. “Aw, man,” he said to his friend, kicking at the ground in a gesture of defeat. “I guess the old guy gets the dog.”
Sometimes when I go to pick up Jamie from school in the afternoons I get to her classroom and she’s off on one of the many necessary errands of a four-prep high school teacher. I usually go in and wait around a bit, but a lot of times the janitor comes by and we talk about (a) the weather, and (b) disrespectful children. As per my previous post, I would at any time take all the inclemencies of (a) over the weakest sprinkle of (b). That being the case, I probably shouldn’t be a substitute.
My classes earlier this week were a mixed bag; when I’m subbing for the junior high band, I get a lot of free periods and a subject I enjoy. Monday and Tuesday of this week, however, I was in charge of a high school BCIS teacher’s four preps, and there turned out to be a lot less break time. I’m not particularly good at classroom management, and when an intended two-day assignment is finished in ten minutes it can cause some discipline problems. But it’s not really the teacher’s fault at all; the classes I had the most trouble with were the ones whose assignment actually lasted the entire two days.
My favorite incident from this experience came shortly after lunch break. That particular class was supposed to be copying notes down from the projector screen, and had done all right before lunch; however, when they came back from lunch we had some difficulties. One student who had been giving me trouble in several different periods all day came running by my classroom on top of another student; I suppose the technical term is “roughhousing” since they didn’t look angry, but it was enough for me. I demanded that he come into the classroom, and since the bell hadn’t rung yet the kid wasn’t too happy about it; he stormed into the room complaining, walked around in a brief circle, and socked the classroom laser printer as hard as he could.
Seriously, who punches a printer?
As I was writing his discipline referral (mildly shaking with rage), both he and several other students started mimicking and laughing at me. That’s hard, and I hated that it was hard. I was in the right, but they were the ones making me feel ashamed of myself.
In the end, of course, I got over it and ate some Chipotle. Few worldly pleasures soothe the troubled soul like a giant burrito.